


Lights at the End of the Tunnel

by LotusRox, thelonebamf



Series: Run From Their Company [6]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-30 03:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5148215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LotusRox/pseuds/LotusRox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonebamf/pseuds/thelonebamf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight months after fleeing to Canada, Dave and Hal have managed to carve out a comfortable existence for themselves in a tiny Southern town, and against the odds they're happy. So there's no need to hope for anything more.  At least, that's what Dave keeps telling himself.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Growth

**Author's Note:**

> After kriegersan destroyed us with their beautiful and heartfelt writing, we had no recourse left to us besides writing the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff. So please enjoy "Dave an Hal eat spaghetti and everything is fine: Now with kissing". And then it got kind of plotty and kind of porny so... sorry/you're welcome?

“Dave?” Hal shakes the snow from his boots, tapping one leg against the other as he closes the door with a practiced bump of his hip. “I’m home!” It had been a good night, and Hal’s shift had ended earlier than normal due to it being a holiday and the off-season besides. He steps into the small kitchen, setting down the tightly wrapped bundle on a counter before heading to the living room, where he takes a seat on the overstuffed sofa to undo his laces.

“Brought home some Bolognese today. You know, I keep telling them to put ‘tuna with tomatoes and potatoes’ on the menu but nobody believes me.” He chuckles to himself. “Guess you’ll just have to keep making it for me at home.”

David steps out of the room they share, a well-worn copy of London’s The Iron Heel in his hand, with a thumb in lieu of a bookmark. His smile is slight, but sincere: “You’re earlier than I thought. Welcome home.”

‘Home’ is not a word that rolls on his tongue with the same difficulty it had at the beginning.

He takes a glance at the page he was on, to memorize the number, and sets down the book with care on the makeshift shelf he had installed after bringing a third one home. He had picked up the habit after the first heavy snowfall had put an end to woodcutting season, and his shifts at the town’s hostel didn’t give him enough to do with his day. He had liked reading, back when he had been a kid, and had continued in sporadic bursts whenever he had been on a military tour - Books were easier to carry around than movies. Here though, preferred to watch movies with Hal whenever possible, and reading if he was alone. Books were a more of a solo thing.

So many things to share now. The cabin, as a first example. Mealtimes. The bed. They had started that one out of necessity after the end of the summer, in a dingy Winnipeg apartment with no furniture beyond a single foam mattress, and no heating. They weren’t anything but partners, and it had had more to do with comfort than any other kind of closeness. Three weeks and a convoluted road trip later, they had landed in Kaslo, and neither of them had a good reason to change the sleeping arrangements. At least, none enough to keep “two bedrooms” in mind while they looked for a place to stay at.

They had fallen into an easy routine, and if either of them were weirded out by the domesticity in it…

It was comforting. There was nothing wrong with looking for creature comforts with a life as uncertain as the one they had, and Kaslo had been kind to them.

“Tuna with tomatoes and potatoes was improvisation with non-perishable goods, Hal. Hardly a cookery’s staple.” He sniffs at the air, lets himself groan a little, pleased. “This smells good, though. Did you say Bolognese?”

The snowfall had given them a break a couple of days before, and the white mantle outside is calling him. Not for the first time, David laments the fact they won’t ever have a place permanent enough to have a dog or fifty. He misses mushing, the thrill of the race…

This, though. Hal coming back from his shift with food and good news… It’s good, and not even in a “good enough” way. Just… Good. It shows in the way he looks at his partner, fond and relaxed. Paranoia is too much a part of him to ever go away completely, but Hal and the routine they’ve got going on at this particular town were both the kind of thing that let David forget it long enough to feel happy.

“Help me set out the table; we can eat that while it’s still hot.”

Hal couldn’t help but smile as David came out to greet him, looking somewhat rumpled and so relaxed in a way Hal would never get tired of seeing. “Heh, there you are,” he nodded knowingly at the book.

“Ahh, it feels so good to be back indoors. It’s snowing again. Glad we were closing early so I could make it back before it got too bad. There’s a chance we might get snowed in, but I guess you’re well prepared.” He casts a glance around the room at the books on the shelves, and others strewn about here and there. It had surprised him a bit, to find out Dave was such an avid reader, but in a good way. It was nice to find out that despite the rough life he’d led, he’d still managed to find enjoyment in something so…normal. And it was a good reminder that Hal still had a lot to learn about the man, which is something he looks forward too every day.

“Well I thought it was good. Still do. It’s the onion that really makes it,” he shoots Dave a goofy grin. “If I had half a chance I’d open up a place of my own. That’d be the specialty. Tuna ala Dave.” He snorts.

Boots now shoved unceremoniously to the side he stands again. “Yeah, I thought it might be good. Glad they don’t mind me taking home my dinner at the end of the night. Rather share it with you than hover and try to eat it over the counter. Probably awful for digestion anyway.” Well, and he’d just come to enjoy sharing a meal with Dave on its own merits. Ever since that first time, he finds himself looking forward to sitting at the table with Dave, chatting with Dave, feeding himself with Dave.

He bounds into the kitchen and starts pulling plates from the rack by the sink. They don’t have many- there’s basically just two of everything. As comfortable as they are, there’s always the chance they’ll have to drop everything and run, so it’s doesn’t make sense to keep more than they need. This suits Hal just fine. After a shift at the cafe, the last thing he’s ever looking for is more dishes to wash.

He divides the pasta into two portions before carrying the plates to their table, and thankfully the trip home was quick enough that it’s all still steaming. One of the less advertised benefits of a small town life, he muses.

“We’re closed tomorrow too,” he adds with a cheerful smile. “So I guess I’ll just be home bugging you all day.”

“Remind me to teach you tomorrow how to make some tuna, then. Since you want to serve it”, Dave teases, and doesn’t even bother hiding the affection in his tone. He starts to help Hal with the glasses, their two sets of table knives and forks. There’s bread too, and the locally produced apple cider he gets at the grocery store, always saying it’s for Hal because it’s just too sweet (which Dave loves).

“What, you’re not going to come be my chef?” Hal asks with mock offense. “I kinda saw myself as more of a ‘front of house’ kind of guy. Y’know, seating the customers, describing the specials. ‘Tuna ala Dave’, “Potatoes-and-Maybe-Onions”. Unless you want to handle the customers.” He grinned, twisting pasta around his fork before popping it into his mouth with a satisfied smile. “And here I thought we were partners.” He grins, wiping a small smear of sauce from the corner of his mouth.

“Handle the customers? I have enough of that every day.” Dave grimaces. The hostel hadn’t even been a busy one, the town too small for it despite the semi-touristic location. But they had been needing someone to work the front desk part time, after the owner had gotten too old to spend the whole day there, and Dave had argued his fluency in several languages as a plus to get hired… while at the same time hiding the best he could how he wasn’t really a people-person.

It made for good training for his patience. Which he had. He just… hadn’t had to use it applied to people, on a daily basis.

It wasn’t as if he had stopped with all his other kinds of training anyway. He kept up with them with the same rigor of his whole life, bringing up the difficulty of them just for the hell of it since the beginning of winter, and dragging Hal with him as often as Hal could stand. Throwing some skills on top of it, destined to help him blend in better among civilians, had become a welcome workout once he started taking it as a challenge. Even if he grumbled about it once he got home, the locals thought him introverted instead of hostile and that was good enough.

“All the more reason for me to be maître d’, then!” Hal chirps as he starts sopping up globs of sauce with a piece of bread. He never thought he would be the “people person” in any group, but then he never thought that theoretical group would be made up entirely of him and someone like Dave. He still found it strange, every now again when he stole a glance at the man outdoors, enjoying a run or breaking down firewood or one of any number of other tasks most people would consider grueling, or at least boring. It’s during those times when some of the tension left Dave’s face and although he was clearly exerting himself, his focus shifts entirely to the physical. It seems counter-intuitive, but that was when he seems the most…at peace.

It may or may not have had anything to do with Hal agreeing to join him on some of those runs with minimal protest.

“If those are my options, then I’ll pick the kitchen work. Just know that restaurant is going to tank if I have to man it with only the Green Beret Cookbook as a guide. Even if that is one good way to get you to eat without making a fuss.”

Hal groans and rolls his eyes at Dave’s assurance of failure. “Don’t give me that. I know for a fact you have a copy of ‘The Joy of Cooking’ on the shelf by the bed where you don’t think I’ve noticed.” He smirks.

Nothing wrong with having a cookbook either, Hal. Dave was perfectly capable of surviving on military rations for months if the need arose - They had started buying Canadian Army surplus the first time they had hit a major city, and still had some stashed away for when the inevitable came and they had to leave town. That didn’t have to mean he was going to prefer them over fresh food, and especially if he had access to a stove.

Dave still checks every security system they have installed in their cabin before going to sleep, careful and sure as if he were performing a ritual. And the most important reason for him to have picked that job in the front desk of the hostel is to make sure he knows whenever someone new came to the town, which had to take precedence over his personal distaste for human interaction. But…

He knows it’s absurd to feel too comfortable. Unrealistic. But this, this is alright. He can personally vouch it’s the most alright he has been in a very long while. And Hal, he looks happier too. Healthier, now Dave makes him eat three meals a day and sleep for long enough to not have perpetual bags under his eyes.

He likes getting to share those meals, and those hours of slumber by his side.

And if he ever wants more, if he ever gets the slightest wistful over it… He remembers these three months of peace are more than he ever dared to think he deserved.

“A pity we’ll be getting more snow”, he says, sitting down at their table and gesturing at Hal to do the same. “There was something I wanted to do.”

He digs back into his pasta, murmuring another pleased growl. He knows there’s no way Hal had a hand in it, Hal burns his morning toast in a semi-regular basis. But he still feels… grateful. “They don’t give you any shit about bringin’ portions for two, though?”

“Oh... no. I think it’s okay. Meri likes me and she’s that sort of mother hen type. She’s always telling me ‘You’re too skinny! You need to eat more!’” He rolls his eyes. As if he doesn’t get enough of that at home. “Besides, every few days I have to help her with the antique she calls a computer in her office, so I think she feels like she owes me a little extra, you know?” He shakes his head, remembering the last time he’d taken a look at the machine. “It’s just meant to make her bookkeeping a little easier but man, I must have uninstalled the toolbars and add-ons from her browser twenty times.” He chuckles. “Why anyone thinks they need a sparkling purple cat for a cursor, I’ll never understand.”

He takes a sip of cider, points at Hal with his fork. “Madame Meri is right. I’m honestly surprised you aren’t poking me in the eye with your ribs anymore.” He adds nothing about the add-ons and toolbars. Nothing wrong with not trusting technology and preferring to stay analog.

Hal also knows this is all temporary. The house, the town, his job at the cafe a few blocks away- they could all be gone tomorrow. If he or Dave picked up on the slightest clue that they’d been found out… well, they never moved anywhere without an exit strategy. Somehow, it doesn’t bother him. He likes Kaslo well enough, has gotten friendly with the couple he works for, has even grown accustomed to the snow a bit- but none of those are the reason he finally feels like he’s where he belongs.

No, the reason for that is sitting across from him, eating his dinner.

“I thought you liked the snow.” Hal queried, pulling another chunk from the loaf of bread Dave had brought to the table. “What was it you had to do? Super manly lumberjack stuff? Is there a sale at the plaid flannel shirt store?” A wry smile crosses his face. When they first met, Hal would never have considered poking fun at Dave this way, still too fearful and too awed to risk even playful insults. But he’s grown more comfortable around the man in more ways than one, and goofing around is a part of that. Plus… well Hal can’t be sure, but he thinks Dave looks more at ease when he’s teasing him, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, but doesn’t seem worth questioning.

The easy banter that had come to blossom between them was another good thing brought by forced cohabitation. It helped them both to get their stress levels down. Brought them closer. Dave can’t help a smile, with his mouth full, at the mention of flannel shirts. He swallows, teases back: “Hn. Thought you liked those. But no, that’s not it.”

“I had plans for later. Hope the weather clears up a bit, or I’ll have to shelve them.”

“Ah… I didn’t say I didn’t,” he says of Dave’s shirts. He drags his fork across his empty plate, leaving swirling trails as he thinks. “They… suit you somehow. More than a suit and tie anyway.”

He knows Dave is avoiding giving him a straight answer, makes a face at him as he stands to take his plate to the sink. “Guess I’ll just have to keep guessing then. Sledding? Snow man? Snow Angels!” He’s half talking to himself now as the sound of running water overtakes his voice. He puts his plate away, still pretending to think as he collapses onto the sofa. “No wait, I know. You’ve decided to go really native. Build an igloo.” If Dave is going to keep playing coy, Hal will just have to keep upping the ante with ridiculous suggestions.

 

Doing the dishes, David smiles despite himself once Hal starts with the outlandish suggestions, and turns back to counter, “Don’t you have anything else to do? Go clean the mess in the corner with your computers or something. Never knew a single person could produce such a nest of cables and keyboards, let alone call it an ‘office’.”

Hal grumbles slightly at the mention of his sprawling machinery. “It’s not a mess if I know where everything is,” he insists. “And I’m organized where it counts. Not a file out of place inside the computer.”

Dave puts the dry cutlery away and joins Hal at the sofa, “We’re too far south to build an igloo anyway. But…”

“I guess there’s something else that we would usually be too far south for, that I want to do.” He stretches, looks at the ceiling for a moment.

This shouldn’t be hard. If anything, after the sillier ideas Hal had just spouted off…

“What is it, Dave?” Hal asks, confused at the sudden shift in his mood. He doesn’t usually avert his gaze unless there’s something on his mind that he’s not ready to discuss. He’s learned to take the cues pretty well by this point and it’s generally a good idea to just give Dave space until he’s ready to talk, but something tells him this is the time for a little extra prodding.

“Local radio was talking about a geomagnetic storm tonight. Wanna go see if we can catch the Lights later?”

 

“…Oh… the lights? Really? You think we’ll be able to see them?” Even though the two had spent the better part of a year moving all over Canada, they’d just never been in the right place at the right time to see the Aurora, which had been a little bit of a disappointment, but then, they’d always had bigger problems to think about.

Hal rolls his head in a few lazy circles, making soft popping sounds as he stretches. Despite the early close it had been a busy day at the cafe, with extra work involved to make sure everything was cleaned and put away for a full day of closure. His back aches after a day of carrying loads of dishes and canned goods and his calves are burning from the endless laps he’s run around the kitchen.

His smile is broad and sincere.

“Let’s do it.”

 

 

The way Hal is smiling makes it worth it, to be honest, he’s just so relieved. But he also sees the exhaustion in him. “We can go later. Still have to wait if the weather gets better, and if not… I guess we’ll have to wait until we’re further up north.”

“Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll take care of the rest. Unless you aren’t up to staying ‘till late tonight…”

He knows the answer to that, though. And, he honestly laments having to stand up from the sofa, but some preparations have to be done. He grabs his pack of Lucky Strikes from one of the shelves, and his parka.

Warmly, he ruffles Hal’s hair - A gesture of outright affection that feels natural at this point, after months of living together. Yet one of the few David still allows himself, despite how physically close they are.

“Gotta go cash in some favors. I’ll be back soon.”

Hal nods at the suggestion of a shower, pulls himself slowly from the sofa with a tired groan. “Can’t go to bed early, Dave. It’s New Year’s Eve. Gotta at least make it to midnight.” He stretches, coaxing a final satisfying pop from his shoulders.

A slight hum escapes him as Dave musses his hair. If it had been anyone else, the gesture might have been an annoyance, a jab at his youth but from Dave… well a lot of things are different when they come from Dave.

“Thought you wouldn’t remember”, he teases, and gets out.

“All right, I’ll see you soon.”

The hot water is just what he’d needed at the end of a busy shift. As he lets it coax the soreness from his muscles he muses at how different their lives are now from just a few months ago. When they’d first crossed the border, Dave could scarcely imagine the thought of leaving Hal on his own, both of them on constant alert. But now- things are more relaxed, softer around the edges, and so, Hal supposes, are they.

Washed and dried, Hal gets dressed and has a seat at his computer, pulling up the latest weather reports while he waits for Dave to return.

It’s cold and windy outside, maybe even chilling for someone less used to cold weather. At least, whatever light snowfall they had been having had subsided. Dave takes a look at the sky, thinking of the strength and direction of the wind, and hopes. They have a little more than three hours and a half until midnight, and no geomagnetic storm is going to let them view the Aurora at this latitude if the clouds don’t scatter at least a little.

Lighting up a cigarette to warm himself up, he starts the walk to town. He wonders when his priorities started to change like this, as if he didn’t know what the answer was already.

It’s true the weight of his service weapon is still concealed inside the pocket of his parka, that he doesn’t ever go outside without it. But he hasn’t had to fire it out of practice since they left Winnipeg. They had made it to the end of the year, against all probability. And… perhaps David has no idea of the future. He’s still not sure he has one, even. Making any plans beyond contingency plans to stay alive is moot when one lives on the run.

Hal sifts through the windows he has open, refreshing the storm tracker and watching the diagrams shift with the projected path of the clouds. They might just make it, depending on how late Dave is willing to stay out, and how long Hal’s own stamina holds out. He decides to brew a pot of coffee, just in case and soon he’s sipping at a mug while a full thermos waits on the counter. He wishes there were still even a few of the Christmas cookies he’d brought home from the cafe after the season passed, but who knew Dave had such a penchant for gingerbread?

David had never cared about New Year’s Eve, or any other holiday. But Hal had even accomplished making him hate Xmas a little less, a week ago. And now the prospect of ending a year and starting another, with him, was something to look forward to.

“Steve? What are you doing out here this late?”, and there’s the wife of the hostel’s owner, answering to his knocking.

“Mr. Tremblay and I had a talk this afternoon… There’s something he was going to lend me.”

Half an hour later, the rumble of a snowmobile’s motor cuts through the night, and stops right next to the cabin he shares with Hal.

Dave just hopes the noise hadn’t put his partner through too much of an alarm when he opens the door with his keys.

Hal tenses for a moment at the unfamiliar rumble outside. Mounties didn’t ride snowmobiles did they? He’s taken a single step closer to the cutlery drawer when he hears a familiar jingle of keys and Dave opens the door; he finds he can breathe again. “Was it you making that racket? That was the ‘favor’?”

He steps out of the kitchen with his mug and hands Dave one of his own. Despite the man’s frequent protests that he was “used to” the cold, there was no need for unnecessary suffering as far as Hal could see. “So we’re taking a ride out of town?” He tries to peer out one of the windows to catch a glimpse of the vehicle. “Does it have a sidecar or something? Who do you even know that has a snowmobile?” The questions tumble out of his mouth like the snow outside, excitement building.

“It’s Mr. Tremblay’s son. He’s in Vancouver - couldn’t make it here in time for the holidays.” He accepts the coffee and sips at it, pleased when he notices Hal remembered the sugar for his this time. “And no, it doesn’t have a sidecar.”

He leaves his mug at the table to shrug off the parka and sits on the sofa before picking it up again. “Town Hall is going to throw a small firework display at midnight, and I’d rather not be around for that. Light pollution would mess up the aurora. But it has an easy fix.”

If Hal has anything to say about him disliking fireworks, David is going to be all the more grateful if he doesn’t. Besides, its absolutely not the point.

“Hmmm.” Hal nods at the mention of the fireworks display. “I’m surprised that people want to go outside for something like that, but I guess the locals have gotten used to it. Yeah, it’s probably best if we’re a ways out from that then. Good thinking.”

“If we go behind Mt. Buchanan, the bulk of it would block away most of the disturbances. There’s a Forest Service Road that climbs up, with several lookouts until the top. Hence, the snowmobile.”

He furrows his brows, pausing for a second or two. “I know you don’t like heights. So I’m not asking you to go to Buchanan Lookout at the peak. Just far up we won’t be disturbed.” Looking directly at Hal now, betraying his worry. “Do you trust me enough to do that? I can try and think of another place if you don’t.”

Hal looks thoughtful for a moment, squints again out the window into the dark and then back at Dave. He’s biting his lip, considering. There’s a lake on the other side of the mountain as well, but it’s bound to be frozen in the cold, so it’s not really a problem. Finally he gives Dave a nod.

“We’ll be looking up, not down anyway, right?”

He takes a deep breath, encouraging himself. “I’m going to try.” He says firmly. “I’ll let you know if it’s too much but… I can’t just run away from everything all the time.” He reaches out, gives Dave’s arm a gentle squeeze and a small smile. “Besides, I have a feeling it’s going to be worth it.”

He takes a step back and gives him an appraising look. “You really thought of everything, didn’t you? I’m impressed, Dave!” He takes a look at his watch. “The weather seems to be in our favor based on the latest reports. We should start seeing clearer skies in about an hour.”

Dave is just so relieved by Hal’s willingness. And then, his enthusiasm seals the deal for him.

He had, indeed, hesitated about this. Hadn’t thought there would be this level of interest. Didn’t want Hal to think about it the wrong way. He had even mentally prepared to say he used to watch the Northern Lights back in Alaska and leave it at that, if he were to be asked.

Instead, he gets Hal’s genuine appraisal and eager interest, to the point Hal himself had been looking at the weather reports. It can’t be helped if he gives him a snort and a fond stare in return.

“Go rest then. I’ll finish the book, have a smoke outside” so he doesn’t get nagged at, “and then we’ll go. It’s not a long ride.”

“Yessir, right away.” He gives Dave the world’s laziest salute before retreating to their bed, and is immediately beneath the pile of blankets.

He doesn’t imagine he’ll sleep. Rest, sure, close his eyes even. But sleep requires a bit more mental preparation and he has to admit he’s grown accustomed to nodding off with the weight of an arm around him.

Hal tries to imagine it there now as he turns on his side. He focuses quietly thinking about Dave pressed up behind him, Dave breathing quietly in his sleep… and just ends up thinking about Dave.

Dave who has been with him for the better part of a year.

Dave who has helped make a small but contented life for themselves in this tiny town.

Dave who has just now gone through a considerable amount of trouble because he wants to take him to go see the lights.

And even though he’s in bed alone- Hal suddenly feels warm.

 

Dave doesn’t go for the book immediately. He does his nightly routine of checking their alarm system, the closed-circuit cameras Hal installed early on their rental of the cabin, the infra-reds.

If he is nervous enough to go out for an in-site check while he smokes, and then back inside again to strip and clean his gun, it’s entirely his business. So is the idea of breaking out the unopened bottle of Jack he has “just in case”, despite having foregone hard liquor since the Winnipeg Incident, staying completely sober minus the occasional beer back in town to better blend in.

He doesn’t act on it. He knows things don’t have to end terribly, as long as he keeps his damn mouth shut and his hands to himself - both things he’s skilled at, and has honed to perfection since May. They’re going to have a nice night.

He’s content enough as long as Hal is happy.

So, David is actually in good spirits when he goes to wake Hal up. It’s not long before they’re at the snowmobile, headlights at full force so they don’t crash against a moose. Hal pressed tightly against his back, arms around his waist to keep from falling, and to stave off the cold. It’s around 11:15 PM when they start the climb through Buchanan Forestry Road.

Hal has to constantly remind himself to open his eyes on the ride out of town. It would be so easy to let them drift shut, to focus on nothing but the man in front of him, to let himself fall back into the haze he’d been enjoying back in bed. He may have only caught a few minutes of actual sleep before it was time to head out, but he felt surprisingly refreshed. Renewed.

Still, Dave went through all this trouble so the two of them could enjoy the scenery, so instead he squints and tries to focus as best he can on the last bits of the town, the trees flanking them on either side, and once in a while even manages to glance up at the night sky, clouds reluctantly drawing aside.

His heart is pounding when they finally reach the trail, and he stumbles a little as they start to make the climb. Hal can’t deny he’s nervous, but focuses on Dave, reaching out to clutch at the hem of his coat when he feels his step falter. Hal keeps repeating in his head, “It’s not the height; it’s the fall that gets you…”

And he knows Dave isn’t going to let him fall.

Dave had done his best to bring them as far up as he could with the snowmobile. But winter meant soon enough they weren’t able to continue aboard, had to take the last stretch on foot.

He had meant it, when he said they weren’t going to climb ‘til the peak. But the road had turned out to be worse than planned, and they weren’t yet at the first lookout. The trail they had to take instead had remained dry enough to be safe, but it still made him nervous.

He offers Hal his arm. “Nearly there.” And it’s not an empty promise. He had the map memorized.

A little bit over 50 meters up the trail, the dense foliage recedes and they reach the first scenic overlook.

Hal nods in assent, unable to force even a modest quip out of his mouth. His lungs are burning with the exertion and the cold, every breath chilled and stinging. He takes Dave’s arm gratefully, allowing himself to be guided along the path. His boots may be better for the terrain than his usual sneakers, but he’s no great climber so he’s thankful for the help.

When they finally reach the first landing, he takes a moment to steady himself, leaning heavily on Dave as he does so. Finally, he turns back out away from the mountain’s face- and he’s breathless all over again.

Dave had been right about avoiding the city light, so there’s nothing but the moon reflecting off the snow to illuminate the night. Hal imagines that in the last eight months he’s seen every kind of snow there is. Fresh powder, watery slush, rock hard crystals…

He’d been wrong.

 

 

“…Wow...” His voice is soft; he doesn’t want to disturb the tranquility of the scene. He steps back and bumps into Dave who is just behind him. “It’s… really something.”

Dave can’t remember ever feeling so relieved to see the clouds dispersing. The sky is not clear, but there’s a gap big enough to lets the waning moon shine through unobstructed. It's bright enough to light up their lookout and the snow surrounding them, but not so much as to obscure the stars.

Softly, “Look up, Hal.”

There’s nothing there but the Milky Way, starkly splattered wherever the clouds don’t obstruct the view - a spectacle in its own right. Swift southern winds widen the gap, and maybe… maybe they will indeed be lucky enough to witness something as rare as what they’re seeking here.

Hal folds effortlessly into Dave’s arm, finds his place along his side. He raises gloved hands to his lips, blows into them and relishes the brief burst of warmth as his eyes roam over the tree tops and up to the sky. He smiles at the field of stars, almost indiscernible from the sparkling powder dusting the dark landscape before him, and he experiences a strange moment of dizziness as the sky and earth nearly become one.

“Now we wait”. Silently, David extends an arm to reach Hal and bring him closer when he sees him shivering from the cold. Body heat is something safe he’ll be glad to provide, every time, and especially if they’re somewhere their breathing is visible.

He isn’t counting the minutes. His eyes are nailed to the night sky, showing itself as it clears.

And then the sky explodes.

The sudden rising arch of white light, rapidly changing into green and violet, makes David tighten his hold around his partner.

Hal gasps, no number of photos, no amount of footage, no volume of ‘Wish You Were Here” postcards had prepared him for what’s happening. He laughs, has no other means of response, just laughs with pure joy at the sight. It’s only in the instant that Dave draws him closer that he’s able to look away for a moment, back at his partner’s face, and he’s moved by the unreserved awe he sees there.

He doesn’t even mind the clouds. They become silvery shapes against the colors of the lights, punctuating the sky with shadows, and he makes a game of peeking through them to view the aurora. Anything worth having is worth fighting for, as the saying goes- and this experience is one well worth the struggle.

“Dave…” He says quietly, still not looking away. “Thank you.”

Maybe the fact he stays silent, even after Hal thanks him, is enough of a signal of how overwhelmed he is.

He had missed the Lights. His nostalgia of Alaska and everything that reminded him from the short freedom he had enjoyed there before getting enlisted again was genuine.

But he had been alone back then. Surrounded by his huskies, sure. But also frequently drunk, spending weeks at a time with no other company than his dogs. He had built a cabin at Twin Peaks, purposefully far away from the nearest town to not have to see another single soul unless he took the 5 mile trek to get groceries, and back. He had been 22, and already so tired.

The beauty of the Lights is not unlike what he had seen back then, so further up north. David hadn’t ever gotten bored of them, but he had gotten used to their presence. He guesses the difference lies in Hal, who is currently shivering by his side despite how close they are standing. The same wind that had unveiled the Lights now playing against them.

“Don’t stop looking”, he says, opening his own parka, and brings Hal closer, turns him around so they are chest to chest, to better shelter him.

Hal nods, and wordlessly presses against his chest, bringing his arms down from in front of him and allowing them to drop oh so naturally around Dave’s back.

The sight above him and the fact that he has someone to share it with are more than he’d ever hoped for, more than he deserves, certainly. He’s on the run, far from any life he could possible consider familiar, living in the middle of nowhere under an assumed name with one, single person in the world who knows who he really is.

And yet… if it could be only one person…

 

 

“Dave…” he whispers, the sound almost carried away by the wind. “Have… have you ever… ever had a moment where…” He pauses, finding his words. “Where you think… if this was it, the last thing you ever experienced, the last thing you ever saw… that that would be okay?”

He’s still watching the lights of course, can’t pull his gaze away, they’re so beautiful, the way they’re dancing, shifting… and reflected in Dave’s eyes.

Those words, they weren’t something Dave had been expecting. They pull him out of the trance he had fallen in, when his only awareness had been for the lights, and the reality of Hal’s body pressed against his.

Something inside his chest squeezes painfully. Realizing it’s hope, he pushes it down until it disappears. And he had been experiencing such peace, too…

Still, Dave is not about to lie. He just– he nods, wordlessly, and exhales. Does his best to not pull Hal closer. To not say ‘like now’. He has gotten self-control down to an art form after what happened in the first cabin they sought refuge at.

This is good. What they have, is good, and not even in a “good enough” way.

It’s more than he thought he’d ever have, and he’s happy to have it.

Hal doesn’t know what he’s feeling, has to cycle though any number of words until he finally lands on ‘contentment’ and even that seems inadequate. He knows the two of them can never truly rest, that at any moment they could be found, and everything, everything would be over.

Isn’t that just all the more reason to hold on tightly now?

He’s climbed a mountain, gazed out over frozen waters- it was time to cross that final bridge.

Maybe it was against the rules to keep his eyes open, maybe it wasn’t romantic or how they did it in the movies, but Hal couldn’t bring himself to shut out the lights. So when he leaned up, pressed his lips gently against Dave’s, his eyes were dancing with purples and greens…and hope.

He pulled himself away after a few seconds, cold air rushing into the sliver of space between their lips.

“Dave…” he whispered, arms pulling closer around his back. “Do… do you think… love…”

And just like that, Hal steals the breath away from him. With a soft kiss, the warmth of his lips pressed against his with care, undemanding, with something that once again feels like hope, for both of them. With whispered words before David can compose himself enough to return the gesture.

Unexpected. And so, so very welcome.

He pulls Hal closer, and it’s dizzying, it almost hurts. He isn’t asking for more, in the way he frees a single hand to cup Hal’s cheek, as gently as he’s able to. He can’t tear his eyes away of Hal’s, either. He just–

“Hal, I…”, and his voice feels too rough for what David is trying to say here, but he can’t stop himself. Not now. “I think– Love… It can happen anytime. Anyplace.”

He doesn’t ask ‘Do you love me?’, though the question is clear in the way he’s looking at Hal right now. So much hope in Dave’s expression, and he can’t stop it now from blooming, can’t push it back down once again after what had happened. All the vulnerability nobody else knows from him, the one he excels at pretending he doesn’t have– suddenly in plain view.

And if he doesn’t say ‘I love you’ yet, it’s only because he hadn’t dared to name what he has been feeling, all this time.

There’s a hand against his cheek, fingers just grazing his hair and as he looks into Dave’s eyes he thinks of the first time he’d gazed into that now familiar blue. He’d saved him that day for reasons Hal may never fully understand, but is willing to spend the rest of his life trying to figure out. And maybe, today, he’s been saved again.

But the look in Dave’s eyes tells him that there’s more to it than that. That maybe they saved each other.

Their journey isn’t over yet. There are desperate times ahead. Danger is always just behind them.

But Hal has spent a lifetime afraid and it’s done him no good, didn’t keep him safe, didn’t protect him. He’d wrapped the fear around him like a blanket, but only grew cold within its folds.

But now… on the empty mountainside, standing in the winter’s snow, in the crushing embrace of shaking arms, - he’s never felt so warm

“I think so too.”

His heart is pounding so hard, and he can’t wipe the smile from his face, so he just buries it against Dave’s neck, laughing as his lungs fill with frigid air. He doesn’t care. He wants to take in everything about this moment, wants to feed himself on it forever. His smile only grows as he speaks again, saying the words only because he knows he doesn’t need to.

“Don’t leave me. Don’t ever go.”

“I– won’t. I… can’t.”

He isn’t laughing, like Hal is. But the way he freely smiles at him, holding him, is just… so soft. In a way that doesn’t belie the unbridled rhythm his chest is beating at, but underlines it.

The present may be the only thing they’ll ever have, but he wants it all the same. And maybe, just maybe, he won’t hurt Hal if he kisses him again, if he starts it this time.

Tentatively, Dave asks him with a careful gesture to lift his face again. For him. To allow him to close the distance in a kiss that’s just so contained someone else wouldn’t think it’s like Dave to be like that. It’s not about repression - it’s reverence, and warmth, and meaning. Because actions spoke louder, he knows it, and nobody had ever cared to teach Dave to be gentle. It wasn’t something he was supposed to know, or want.

He wants to give that to Hal.

“Hal…” whispering against his lips, he’s gambling here, upping the ante with a gambit out of hope. “Just… tell me you love me too.”

David wants to say ‘please’. He waits instead.

He smiles against Dave’s lips and his heart sings as he hears the answer, the answer he’s been waiting for all this time.

It could have gone wrong, so wrong, any number of times: back at the apartment, over the river, that drunken night in the cabin. Or… or maybe they would have just gone on forever, side by side, just never saying….

And the way Dave is holding him, the way he’s looking at him, he realizes that he would have been okay with that. That he meant what he said- he couldn’t leave him, even if he couldn’t _have_ him.

Hal chokes back a sob as he’s overwhelmed at the revelation. “Oh… _oh, Dave…_ ”

He closes the space between them, presses their lips together for just an instant.

“I do.”

And again.

“And I have.”

A third time, lingering just a little longer, leaning into him, understanding, accepting, and just plain wanting everything Dave’s wanted to give him.

“And I always will.”

He pulls back just a few inches, to look back into his eyes, an apologetic smile growing on his face before he buries his head on Dave’s chest.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”


	2. Expansion

For a second he feels as if his heart is giving up on him, he is just that overwhelmed. He was used to his emotions running deep and strong and unseen. Now they’re bursting out, Hal’s love like new wine crumbling down his every barrier with every kiss he gives him.

 

There’s absolutely nothing he doesn’t want to give him. The passion he knows he’s capable of, and the tenderness he didn’t know he had in him, his strength - because if you love someone, you have to be able to protect them, and the power to hurt him, too.

 

David is in love, and he is loved in return.

 

“Hal?”, and he doesn’t force anything, he doesn’t have to. Patience had been a work skill before, but Kaslo has taught him its value it in times of peace, however fleeting they may be.

 

So he just… holds Hal tight, inside his parka. Caresses his back, burying his nose in his hair and breathing in.

 

Hal has heard David call his name countless times. He’s heard it delivered with a sarcastic smile and jab of the elbow. He’s heard it shouted from a distance, desperate and worried. He’s even heard it whispered low and cautious, coaxing him back to reality.

 

“Let’s go home.”

 

But he’s never heard his name like this- solemn, sweet, like a wish and a prayer and a call to come home.

 

This is home, isn’t it? The only true constant in his life, his shelter in the storm. This place, here, so close to Dave’s heart, is where he belongs.

 

He breathes deeply, taking in the scent of his sweat and cigarettes and their coffee and even the stupid bolognese and everything that makes up Dave in this moment here and now; the rest seems so long ago. And the future… the future is so close… full of promise and promises, he thinks.

 

“Home,” he says aloud. “That sounds nice.”

 

They climb back down the mountain, the descent just a blur to Hal who is so focused on simply “going” with Dave he almost walks right past the snowmobile. He allows himself to close his eyes on the ride back. The trees, mountains, snow like diamond dust all suddenly seem so less special, so less brilliant than the man in his arms.

 

Only his capacity for task-completion allows Dave to drive the snowmobile, swift and safely. Hal is just behind him, hugging him close with his chest molded against David’s back, the sole focus of warmth while everything around them is winter, as they breeze through the road and through the town.

 

The Aurora still shines in the sky as they get inside their cabin. Not as intensely bright as it had been back at the lookout, far away from any other light source, but a comforting presence over them nevertheless.

 

The town is silent when they make their return, cabin just as they left it. Hal steps inside, sheds his jacket and boots all the while unwilling or unable to take his eyes off of Dave. Had they really been here just a few hours ago? He spares a moment to glance around the room and sees all the same things he’s seen a hundred times before. The books on the shelves, the mug on kitchen table, and even the oh so familiar plaid in the laundry. Everything simple and mundane and yet proof that this is where Dave belongs. With him.

 

He smiles. “Home.”

 

And as they close the door, just as Hal flips the switches on for their security and lamps, David’s next move is to hug him from behind and bury his cold nose in Hal’s mess of curling hair. He doesn’t want to let go. He knows he doesn’t have to say out loud how… out of practice he is, at attaining something he has craved so badly and for so long.

 

Hal hasn’t even managed to turn back around and face Dave when he feels familiar arms around him, the tip of his chilled nose pressing against his scalp; he can’t stifle a faint squeak from escaping. They stand like that, perfectly still for a moment and it’s funny how differently Hal doesn’t feel.

 

Yesterday he would have done anything for Dave. A week ago he would have thought nothing of running out of town by his side. A month ago he would have taken a bullet to save his life. All of that is the same as it ever was, as it has been for ages.

 

But there’s something to be said for saying things out loud. Names have power in them after all, and the words they’ve dared to speak tonight may be the most powerful of all.

  
  


They’re surrounded by the tiny space they’ve carved, between the two of them. It’s a place where they transformed survival into living, that feels like it’s theirs despite its transient nature. That fills them both with peace.

 

David knows his feelings won’t change, even if they have to leave town tomorrow morning. For him, ‘Home’ is a person, and not a place.

 

“We need to stoke the fire”, he says, thinking out loud and without moving from his spot. Slowly, he kisses the nape of Hal’s neck, breathing in his scent. “Feels like the wood stove is about to give up.”

 

He reaches up and behind him, twining his fingers into Dave’s own damp locks, pulling him closer, murmuring assent to the gentle kisses being pressed against his neck. “Mmm,” he manages. “Means one of us will have to let go.”

 

“Don’t want to”, he whispers, still nuzzling and muttering a sound of contentment at Hal’s caresses. Getting drunk on the clean smell of Hal’s skin and hair, still fresh from the shower, mingling with faint traces of coffee and sweat.

 

It calms Dave, when they go to bed every night and he gets to hold him, breathe in this scent. The physical attraction, the drive to kiss him and more never disappeared at all - but trading that in for shared peace had seemed fair. He has driven away Hal’s night terrors as often as Hal has chased his off his own.

 

Dave had been convinced of how he hadn’t wanted or needed anyone to know him, before he met Hal. They had been so damaged, the both of them, the night he followed his impulse to grab Hal and get them the hell away from New York to an uncertain destination.

 

“But I know you’ll freeze if it goes out during the night.”

 

He bites down the need to add ‘unless you have a better idea’. Not even as a joke. He remembers the cabin behind Landon’s Bay all too clearly. He lets go, little by little. Offers Hal another of his rare smiles and goes to stoke the fire.

 

Hal sighs and he can’t bring himself to argue, seriously considers the idea of just standing here with Dave until they collapse in a pile on the floor out of sheer exhaustion. The idea has a certain romantic appeal and he’s on the verge of giving into it as Dave leans into him, making low murmurs in his ear.

 

He finds Dave’s reluctance is mirrored in himself, doesn’t want to pull away, doesn’t want to be without this familiar embrace. He’s grown to feel safe within his arms, has woken on more than one occasion to a familiar hand near his face with a smile on his lips.

 

He knows Dave wants him. Knows he cares for him. Knows now, without a doubt just how much he loves him as he is, still a little broken, and how willing he is to help him put the pieces back together.

 

There’s a sudden rush of cold air as Dave steps away and turns to tend to the fire. Hal watches for a moment, mesmerized by the flame, by the play of Dave’s muscles beneath his shirt, the way he carefully adds kindling, slowly coaxing heat from the flames until the warmth fills the room.

 

Hal reaches out then, places a light hand on his shoulder.

 

“Dave…” He says quietly.

 

“Let me take you to bed.”

 

Dave had been on the verge of muttering an ‘almost done’, relaxing against Hal’s hand before hearing those words. If Dave said he didn’t feel them echoing all the way back to Ontario, it would have been as much of a lie as saying he doesn’t have a resounding urge to just let hope and desire take the wheel - and just say yes.

 

“… Hal”, maybe a past version of him would’ve been angry at himself if he could see how vulnerable he looks for a second, under all the serious demeanor. He turns his head, presses a kiss against the back of Hal’s hand on his shoulder, eyes closed. Breathing in deeply, a second or two.

 

He wants him, wants him so much. Never stopped wanting. And he is used to dealing with it on his own - just him and his libido. He wouldn’t have dared to ask, not even after coming clean at the vista, but now it’s Hal who came and offered it freely.

 

Dave closes the door of the stove, and has his answer before he finishes standing up. Maybe they can have this, too, if they are… careful. And if he dares. And then– it’s not even a question.

 

He pauses. “If you really are sure… lead the way, then.”

 

Hal feels rather than hears the hesitation in Dave’s voice, knows it’s out of genuine concern rather than disinterest. He can feel, in the gentle pressure of his lips how Dave is actually afraid. Afraid of wanting something. Afraid of getting it. Afraid of being unable to stop.

 

But despite those fears he’s only ever thought about what was best for Hal.

 

Hal remembers what almost happened that night during their first week together. He remembers the raw panic that set in, stealing the moment away. He remembers the ice in his veins, the flashes of ghosts from his past, and how quickly Dave had stopped, and risen to calm him.

 

He remembers the night in Winnipeg, when things nearly fell apart, his own hands trembling with the imagined imprint of the gun’s handle burned into his skin. He remembers what he said to Dave then, and how he’d frozen at his words. He remembers how Dave stopped, immediately. Cut himself off from the one thing helping him cope, and how Hal then realized he was not without ghosts of his own.

 

David rises slowly to meet him, turns and Hal can see in his eyes the questions, fears and hopes. And he realizes that it’s not about the simple satisfaction of desires, quieting of needs. Rather, it’s the giving of oneself, as much as one can give and Hal hopes in his heart that it’s enough, but he’s comforted by the assurance that Dave won’t ask for more.

 

“Come with me,” he says softly, taking him by the hand, leading him to their room and closing the door.

 

David has never been happier to be sober, despite his anxiety. He’ll overcome it. And he certainly doesn’t want to miss a single detail.

 

His is a good memory. Even back then, he had remembered everything the morning after. And he’ll approach this with the care of a mission, taking note of every alarm in the schematics Hal has given him before, careful not to set them off.

 

Not shutting down the lights is a good place to start.

 

Dave puts himself against the wall, back straight against the wooden panel. He holds Hal’s hand, pulls him closer into a kiss. It’s still slow but looking for an open-mouthed kiss that asks for permission before slipping his tongue inside, tasting, searching. He lets Hal pick the rhythm and trap him against the wall, gladly giving up control.

 

His hands, spread open, hold him by the waist while he sucks at Hal’s bottom lip, dragging teeth before going back to exploring Hal’s mouth, hot and wet and still unhurried.

 

He wants, has been craving this for months. But it’s worth it, to wait a little more. And even if his thumbs brush the skin under the hem of Hal’s hoodie, it’s Hal’s move.

 

It’s a moment or two before Hal realizes he’s in control, that Dave is letting him make each move, that he makes no plea for access until Hal has already granted it. Each movement, each choice is left to him and it’s a heady feeling of power.

 

Hal has never been in a position of control before, save for when he was coaxing data from unknowing sources, claiming it for his own behind a shield of anonymity. He took refuge in secrecy, took comfort in hiding.

 

But now is not the time for hiding.

 

He wants to see Dave, be seen by him. He wants to know every plane and corner of his body, the look, the feel, the taste. The faint brush of fingers at his hip cause his breath to catch and his hands move to satisfy his desire for knowledge.

 

And if he feels a brief moment of uncertainty it’s quieted when he opens his eyes to see Dave’s face, unguarded and honest before him.

 

Thin fingers slip over the coarse flannel, deftly push it aside before sliding lower up and under and against Dave’s skin, already so warm. He guides his hand further, until it’s resting against his chest, heart pounding in encouragement as he leans into another kiss. A second hand glides along the outside of Dave’s leg resting on his thigh before Hal brings it up and coaxes his shirt up a few short, but crucial inches.

 

The way Hal is kissing him back, moving against him all of a sudden, tells Dave he made the right choice.

 

If there’s one thing David has been painfully aware for months, it’s that there’s nothing he doesn’t want to do to Hal - and that includes anything Hal wants to do to him. All the pretensions of his upbringing are worth nothing in the face of the realization that there’s a possibility of any of those desires being made real. Hal has seen past them before anyway. It’s dizzying, feels like he stepped in a haze of heat that starts pooling insistently at his belly with every touch of Hal’s hands under his clothes. It quickly stirs his arousal, so long confined to quiet, stolen moments in their bathroom before his bedmate woke up every morning.

 

“You can take that off me if you want”, he says, voice low and husky, feeling Hal tugging at his clothes. Between his shirt and the t-shirt under it, there are way too many layers between the two of them already. And he has no problems in shedding them first.

 

A smile grows across Hal’s face, gradual and warm. Dave’s voice seems to vibrate within his own chest, and Hal can almost imagine the words are his. The thoughts are, certainly.

 

Dave realizes, if Hal wants to stay completely clothed, he won’t even mind. Not as long as Hal keeps on touching him like this, willing despite everything he now knows from his past.

 

He hooks his fingers on the loops of Hal’s jeans and pulls him close, flush against him, encouraging.

 

It does him good to see Dave this way, exposed and wanting, allows Hal to spend every second taking him in, remind himself that they are here, the two of them. There’s no need to compare this moment to the past because it’s nothing like his past. Dave is nothing like his past. Dave is simply Dave. His present. And if they’re both lucky, his future.

 

“Keep talking,” he whispers against his neck before he shifts slightly to pull at Dave’s ear with his lips, teasing it with his teeth.

 

In one swift movement he pushes the cotton shirt above Dave’s chest, granting his hands more contact than may be strictly necessary before leaning back in trailing his lips along the tanned skin of Dave’s collarbone. His hands are both tangled in Dave’s hair as me moves to free his hands from the tangle of clothing with a final tug, but he stops just short, holding their arms above them, pushing gently against the wall.

 

Dave helps him out at every instant, allowing Hal to pull the clothes off his upper body as he pleases. There’s no such thing as ‘too much contact’. He murmurs in agreement at the way Hal chooses to drag his lips over him, and again when he pushes him against the wall.

 

He could get out of his hold with such ease, but he doesn’t want to. Because if he had any lingering doubt Hal was doing this for his sake and not out of his own will, it vaporizes at the way he handles Dave, keeping him in place and looking at him.

 

“Hal…”, and he obeys the command, with pleasure - it’s just so good to have Hal like this, desire plain on his face as he maps his body with his sight and the clever hands Dave has seen flying over keywords and machinery, so many times now. He keeps his wrists against the wall, bound by willpower only, and doesn’t repress his moan when Hal nips at his ear. “I’m here. Just lead.”

 

And if it’s difficult for him to talk so much right now, or to open up on all his desires, he is not about to let it show. He has wanted this too much and for too long to not have his priorities out of order.

 

Dave licks his lips, inviting, leaning so his legs open for Hal. Feeling as if the entirety of his blood were currently rushing between them.

 

“I trust you.”

 

Hal smiles against Dave’s cheek, sighs as he records every moment for safekeeping.

 

“Good,” he whispers, unable to articulate much more.

 

One hand frees itself from the knotted mass of clothing above their hands, and begins making the slow, tortuous journey down Dave’s body, first slipping down the length of his arm, gliding over his shoulder and down his chest. He keeps the other hand pinned up against the wall, fingers loosely wound in the fabric tangled around Dave’s wrists. It’s a symbolic gesture to be sure. He knows there’s nothing keeping Dave there aside from his own desire to let him take the lead. That in an instant he could free himself, pull away from the wall, throw them both onto the bed…

 

…Hal also knows with absolute certainty that he won’t.

 

It’s not an arrangement they discussed.  They never sat down and hashed out comfort zones or… or safety words. But somehow Dave just… knows. As if he’s been thinking about it, about Hal for a long, long time. And even so he’s never… he always…

 

Dave knows they’re playing by ear here. He is willing, and eager - and also maybe playing it a little too safe precisely for that reason. They’ll need to talk about it, later. It may be a testament of how much he loves Hal that he wants to have that talk.

 

Right now he only wants to let Hal handle things at his rhythm. Hal’s tentative caresses over his naked torso feel as if he were teasing him, and they make him arch off the wall, shivering, grunting. He holds onto Hal’s neck for that kiss, following, but the undercurrent of desire he lets on with his way to kiss back… Wet and needy, wanting to spur Hal on, to tell him it’s alright what he is doing, and that it’s ok if he wants more.

 

Hal’s breathing quickens as he leans into Dave’s chest, free hand trailing down his side, relishing the warmth of his skin. His fingers slip down into his waistband, and he gives a gentle tug, bringing their hips together for a brief moment before seeking out the front button which he tries to undo one-handed in vain.

 

“Mm… just a minute,” he murmurs, and he let’s Dave’s hands fall free from the wall, guiding them down in a loop around his neck before trapping his lips in another kiss and returning to his task with the aid of a second hand. It isn’t long before his fingers are seeking their way past the coarse denim and teasing in slow circles at the warm skin beneath.

 

“You’re doing well”, he whispers, as Hal undoes his button and fly, and kisses him again, encouraging and hungry, keeping himself against the wall.

 

Dave can’t help but break that kiss sooner than he intended, though. He lets out a breathy, shaky moan when Hal slips his hand inside his open jeans, just touching with the slightest pressure. He needs Hal to take him in his hand or– or do anything, because he’s just so hard at this point, he needs Hal.

 

Panting, doing his best to not thrust his hips against that hand and kind of failing, “Hal…?”

 

“Please…”

 

To anyone else, Dave’s whispers of encouragement might have seemed perfunctory or unromantic, but to Hal… well, they’re exactly what he needs, what he wants to hear. He knows Dave will be happy with anything, is happy just to be kissing him like this, but he wants to give him more. And ever the perfectionist, he wants it to be good.

 

When Dave whines at his touch, Hal feels his chest flutter in a way that’s almost painful, spurring him on. In a single deft movement he’s slipped his boxers down a few crucial inches. It’s not much but ever the scientist, based on the sounds Dave’s making now, he’s curious what will happen as he goes further. He wraps his hand around his length, teasing at it gently for just a few seconds, running his thumb over the tip with a sly smile on his face.

 

He lingers there a moment, biting at his lip and glancing from Dave’s flushed face down to where his hand is now sliding up in down in earnest. And maybe it’s the thought of being down on his knees, or Dave’s hands tangled in his hair or the mockery of a restraint around the man’s wrists, but Hal can’t but think about an offer… long overdue.

 

“Nnnh…! Hal!”, Dave calls, voice low, cracking. How could he not? Hal is touching him - his hand holding the shaft of his cock and testing how hard and wet it is for him already, so easily,  with a singlemindedness that would have surprised Dave had he not seen it before.

 

He just never thought he’d be the focus of it, and it’s driving him wild.

 

He can’t help but seek more of that hand, his control slowly slipping as he holds for dear life onto both the tangle of shirt around his wrists, and the curls at Hal’s nape. And he manages to think, everything in this is something he wants to repeat. As many times as he is allowed.

 

“Go on… go on, please.”

 

More.

 

He doesn’t forget he was asked to talk. And if the idea of how much he wants to reciprocate doesn’t leave him… He files that away for later, too. Maybe he could beg for it too.

 

A gentle hum grows in Hal’s chest as he makes up his mind, dropping to his knees somewhat unsteadily, impeded only slightly by his own desire. He bows his head, relishing the feel of Dave’s fingers tangled in his hair.

 

As much as he wants this, it’s still a bit intimidating, and he bides his time with a flick of the wrist, a gentle peppering of kisses against the hot skin of Dave’s stomach, trailing downward at an agonizingly slow pace. He lingers there, simply breathing heavily, memorizing everything about the moment before leaning forward and running his tongue over the tip of Dave’s cock, almost experimentally.

 

Dave’s expectation, his arousal, doesn’t do anything but grow as soon as Hal drops to his knees like that. Unexpected. As if Dave hadn’t been hard before, breathing labored and noisy…

 

His eyes flicker up as he tries to steal another glance at Dave’s face, still seeking encouragement as he licks his lips.

 

And then he begins in earnest.

 

There’s nobody but them in the cabin. Who is going to care if he gets loud? He hasn’t often had the privilege to do so.

 

And certainly Hal deserves all the noise he can make. He keeps on teasing, dragging his lips through the trail from his navel while he plays with his length and– And it’s probable that Dave is way too worked out by literal months of having wanted Hal on his own, but he isn’t thinking about that when his knees buck at that first lick. “Hal…”

 

He doesn’t think back to when exactly had Hal planted that idea on his subconscious either. He’s too busy getting lost in the tight, wet heat of Hal’s very real mouth surrounding his cock as far as he can, novice and intense and perfect.

 

Hal may be a novice, but he’s a quick learner and soon he’s lost in the experience, coaxing every variety of sound from his partner with careful gestures at the base of Dave’s shaft as he takes him into his mouth, slowly at first, then redoubling his efforts as he hears the sounds Dave is making.

 

It’s awkward at first and Hal tries not to think too much about it, focuses on getting accustomed to the taste, the heat in his mouth. The soft hum that had started in the back of his throat grows until he can feel his lips buzzing against Dave, approval evident in the sound.

 

Dave digs his nails in the palm of his hands, making his best effort to keep from finishing right there as soon as Hal speeds up the pace. He feels the vibrations of the hum, growing in crescendo as Hal keeps on sucking him off, and he can’t take his eyes away. Terribly glad to have the lights on, because he can’t imagine how it would’ve been to miss getting to watch his cock disappear between Hal’s lips, as he takes in a little bit more each time, making Dave groan in pleasure and need.

 

Hal pulls away for just a moment, pauses just long enough to reach behind his head and pull the makeshift bonds away, drop them to the floor. It had been a fun game in the moment, but now all he can think about is how much he wants Dave’s hands free, on him, showing him exactly what he likes.

 

Hal unties him, and somewhere in the part of his brain that still retains some coherence, Dave interprets that as permission to grab at his hair, hoping to all deities he isn’t wrong about it. And he keeps on sucking him off, and David tugs at that mess of hair in tandem, tangling his fingers on it as electricity and tightness keeps on knotting inside him every time he feels Hal’s tongue working against him.

 

Hal feels so damn satisfied when Dave’s hands are in his hair. It feels amazing, of course- but what really excites him is the wordless communication. The expression and acceptance of desires with no more than a movement. He’s never been so close to someone as to have them guess his thoughts, never had anyone who cared to do so.

 

Quick learner indeed, god. And he’s not even swallowing Dave whole. He doesn’t push Hal’s head - he knows it’s bad form, but oh, he’s grunting and moaning and so close, so close all of a sudden–

 

“Hahh… Hal… ‘m going to come if you don’t stop…”

 

That’s sort of the point, isn’t it? Hal genuinely wonders for a moment. Unless Dave was planning on… hoping for…something more? But Hal is happy with this, thrilled at the sounds and desperate motions Dave is making, warmed by the knowledge that he’s responsible for his undoing.

 

Hal pulls back slowly, releasing Dave with a leisurely swipe of his tongue. “So… it’s good then?” He asks before teasingly rubbing his thumb back and forth for just a moment. He knows the answer, doesn’t wait for it before a pleased smile crosses his face and he glances back up at Dave over the top of his frames for a moment before slowly descending back upon him, working his lips around him at a fraction of his earlier speed. He laps at him slowly, drawing each movement out as long as possible.

 

Oh god, who would’ve ever thought Hal would be a tease.

 

And Dave, Dave is a mess, tugging harder at his lover’s hair and moaning out loud at the swipe of that thumb right over the wet tip of his throbbing erection. He arches, curling over himself a little, his hips thrusting to seek more contact…

 

“Good… Too good– Hal, please…!”

 

He locks eyes with Hal (and god, he looks so good like this, his lips all shiny and swollen…), and then he has the gall to go back to sucking him off slow and intense and dragging his tongue– He tried to warn him. He really did. But now Dave is too far gone to do anything but moan louder, faster, hoarse as he surrenders to pleasure, coming in hot spurts inside Hal’s tight mouth.

 

Distantly, amidst the white noise of his orgasm, he manages to remember he needs to stay on his feet.

 

Hal is more shocked at Dave’s leaning over him and unsteady legs than he is by the sudden twitching in his mouth. He places a cautionary hand on the wall behind Dave, just in case, keeping the other wrapped around him. It isn’t until he senses him relax that he pulls back at last, fingertips resting lightly on his lips.

 

Oh… right. Think fast Hal. The taste wasn’t bad per se, strange maybe, unfamiliar. He looks back up at Dave, wondering if he was expected to swallow. That… was a thing right? That you were supposed to do if you…

 

Feeling incredibly awkward, Hal pulls himself up with the support of the wall and quickly runs out to the bathroom. To his credit he only trips on Dave’s tangled shirts a little.

 

He comes back a moment later, no hint of his earlier teasing smile- instead it’s  been replaced by a sheepish expression. “I.. uhh.. sorry…”

 

Dave meanwhile is too far gone to realize Hal was standing up and away from him - He hadn’t even realized when he had closed his eyes. But he does open them in time to see Hal’s back as he went, still feeling like his legs are about to give up on him, back straight against the wall.

 

… Had he fucked up? Worried, he tugs his boxer and jeans upwards to fix them, wanting to go with Hal–

 

But, Hal comes back. Looking even ashamed, but composed and it’s only then when Dave realizes what had actually happened. Is Hal going to be surprised if Dave snorts a small laugh, just a little, and smiles at him? Sated. Even sweet.

 

“… Don’t worry so much. That– well. It’s an acquired taste. Come here.”

 

Hal closes the door behind him and his embarrassment fades when he hears Dave laugh softly, sees him smile and just standing there with something so endearing, warm… so… Dave. He felt silly for worrying at all and allows himself to be pulled into a gentle hug.The kiss is welcome as well, slow and gentle and full of that contented feeling he couldn’t get enough of.

 

He pulls him close for a long, lazy kiss, wanting to comfort him. And if he likes tasting himself on Hal’s mouth… Well. It’s not the time to say so, is it? Dave nibbles a little at Hal’s lower lip, trying to take in his mood as well.

 

“Tell me… “ He rubs small circles on his waist, and ignores the urge to just–

 

You haven’t done anything FOR him yet, have you?

 

He nuzzles at Hal’s nose, presses his forehead against his to mutter, “Are you alright?”

 

Dave’s hands are soft and comforting on him, their noses touching in an almost playful way. Hal nearly feels as though he’s fading into a soft haze in his arms.

 

“Oh.. y-yeah? I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. Kinda dead on my feet…”

 

Oh.

 

OH.

 

He pulls back from the embrace just a few inches. “It- it’s okay, really. It’s late and…you don’t have to… ah… do anything.” He bites his lip as he looks back at Dave, cheeks flushed, chest still bare. “Un… unless you… want to. I mean.”

 

That– hadn’t been the reason Dave had asked if Hal was alright, actually, but it’s kinda of nice to have a confirmation of a physical response from him, especially one like the feeling of a hard, hot bulge covered in denim, flush against him. He hadn’t allowed himself to touch and getting a visual from that angle…

 

And then Hal stutters and Dave is torn between the sheer cuteness of it and how much he wants him. Wants to at least return the favor. Wants to see Hal’s face getting as lost in pleasure as he had been. No, ok, screw ‘nice’, he suddenly has a very real need to touch the erection that Hal had just accidentally rubbed against him when they hugged. Specially now he realizes Hal had been neglecting himself all this time, putting all his focus on Dave only, and that couldn’t be alright.

 

“Hal, I know I don’t have to. Jesus.” Breathless again, he claims a small peck from Hal’s lips. Can’t help it, he’s just so happy. “I want to. I want you, and want to do everything you’ll let me do.”

 

“Let’s go to the actual bed. Even if you decide against it… you shouldn’t be on your feet anyway.”

 

A faint moan escapes his lips at the brief kiss and Hal feels his cheeks blush. It’s such a small thing, but the way Dave is looking at him makes it even more difficult to ignore the way the blood is rushing through him. He sighs a response, more than an attempt at actual language.

 

That sound again… and just from pressure from his hip, and a peck, he had really been restraining himself.

 

Every part of him feels strangely heavy and bed sounds like heaven. Hal nods, not entirely sure what he’s agreed to. He knows Dave won’t do anything he doesn’t want- but… he’s still not sure what he does want. But he’s willing to try and find out.

 

He goes ahead and slips out of his jeans. Regardless of what happens he won’t be needing them. He comes back to Dave, touching him lightly on the arm before glancing at the switch on the wall. “The lights?” He asks quietly.

 

How could he ever look at Hal without hunger?  Even if he is sated. Even if he got way more than he ever dreamed of. He isn’t going to get tired of this added level of intimacy, of being reciprocated in love and lust.

 

… Can’t help a once over, either, when Hal gets out of his jeans to stay just in his boxer briefs. Dave’s gaze lingering on the curve of Hal’s backside with all the intent and none of the guilt from months past, the sight making him inhale softly.

 

He sits on the bed, reaches to him without pulling, just the gesture. The ‘come here?’ clear enough.

 

“I can get up and turn them off whenever”, he says, and he means it. Hoping the way he worded the offer makes it clear enough what he wants, but again (and everytime Hal needs it, honestly), it’s still Hal that’s in control.

 

Hal’s heart is still pounding in his chest and he feels a shudder run from his chest to the pit of his stomach in a way that is disarming but not unpleasant. He looks to Dave, who is simply reaching out to him, not asking, but inviting.

 

He accepts.

 

He draws closer, sitting next to Dave on the edge of the bed. His cheeks are already flushed and there’s an awkwardness in his movements that creates a sharp contrast to the fluid, teasing motions he’d been making moments ago. He leans into Dave’s arm, lets it wrap around him and for a moment is content to simply be held. Anxiety is already beginning to bubble inside of him, but rather than simply willing it to be quiet, Hal slowly works on processing it, giving it its due.

 

He is here. In their room. With Dave. He can see Dave’s face, feel his arms, still has the memory of him on his lips. As long as he focuses on that, there was no need to be afraid.

 

“Will you talk me through?” He asks quietly. “Just a bit.. I… like to hear your voice.”

 

Dave kisses at his shoulder, softly dragging his lips over Hal’s exposed skin, careful and sweet, “Course I will.”

 

He nuzzles at it, thinking. He needs to show Hal it’s ok to feel desire and lust, and to stop repressing his awareness of the reactions of his own body - beyond what Dave’s own words can do. He needs to suppress his urge to kill the woman that damaged Hal to this point, and not for the first time. For a second, he has half a mind to tell Hal again and again they don’t have to. But Hal is willing to try… and Dave should let him, and not out of his own selfish need to see him undone and free in his pleasure.

 

If Hal trusts him…

 

“Do you think you’re up for talking through it, too?”, he asks, slowly working up the intensity of his kisses until he is nibbling at Hal’s neck. Kissing and licking, languid, feeling Hal’s quick pulse under his tongue.

 

“Hal… I love you.”

 

If Hal trusts him enough to allow himself this … Maybe the two of them can help him start healing, together.

 

“I want to know what you like."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I originally thought this was going to be a two chapter, but these two boys just wouldn't go to sleep and yeah, there will be a chapter 3 and a little bonus.


	3. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've come a long way, and while Dave is nervous about taking that next step with Hal and wounding him further, they're both willing to try.

_Hal… I love you._

_I want to know what you like._

 

There’s a brief flicker of tension through Hal’s body as Dave begins running kisses down his neck. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy it, in fact he gives a contented sigh- there’s just a faint suggestion in the back of his head telling him he’s not supposed to feel good. Not this way.

 

But no, it’s okay. _It’s okay._ He keeps telling himself over and over.

 

He’s with Dave who is gently tasting him. He’s with Dave who is making him melt under the heat of his mouth. He’s with Dave who-

 

_-who loves him._

 

Hal breathes slowly, in and out for a few seconds before responding. He smiles softly. “I…I know.”

 

It’s no jab, not a tease, not even a poorly timed movie reference. It’s… reassurance both for Dave and himself. He knows Dave loves him because of the way he’s holding him now. He knows Dave loves him because of the way he smiles at him when he comes home at the end of the day. He knows Dave loves him because of the way he fusses at him to eat and sleep and actually take care of himself. Even if he’s hearing it for the first time, he knows, he’s known. And as always, Hal Emmerich takes refuge in knowledge.

 

He takes another breath.

 

“I- want to feel your hands on me. Touch me.”

 

Hal’s words make him smile.

 

“Keep your eyes on me”, Dave says, and it’s not exactly an order but further reassurance. _It’s me, it’s the two of us, just keep looking._ He’d be lying, were he to say there was no fear of making everything worse here.

 

Softly, he pushes Hal down on the bed. On his back. But he doesn’t get all over him, or pin him down against the duvet. He stays sitting, letting his fingers dance across Hal’s chest. “Tell me if this is ok first.”

 

Hal listens, barely blinking, breathing deeply, taking in everything about the tone of Dave’s voice, the gentleness and uncertainty alongside the fondness Hal has only recently discovered is reserved for him alone. The hand pushing him down is more caring than commanding, although Hal thinks that maybe he wouldn’t have minded that either.

 

The memory of Hal’s erection against his hip is recent and yet… Dave doesn’t rush a single thing. One of his hands goes to brush Hal’s fringe away from his eyes, while the other goes to slowly roll a nipple between his fingers. “I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.”

 

Holding his gaze, he leans down for a brief, deep kiss that leaves _him_ wanting and yet…

 

He breathes, “Help me do it right.”

 

He pinches for a second, wanting to tease, before going back to his slow ministrations. His calloused fingers sliding towards Hal’s other nipple, touching soft skin with all the care and patience in the world.

 

“Just… tell me.”

 

_It’s just me. Let me hear you._

 

Hal sighs as Dave’s hands begin to run over him, feels himself lean up slightly to meet the fingers at his brow. He feels the roughness of his hands catching on his skin, warm, and teasing at him in a way that elicits a faint moan before Hal stops himself.

 

There isn’t a single thing about the way Dave is touching him that doesn’t feel incredible, but that was never really the problem. Hal’s breath catches as he hears him speak, and can feel something inside crumbling as he gives himself over to the experience.

 

“It’s…it’s good, keep going…”he manages, eyes threatening to drift closed.

 

He is almost unaware of his own hand rising up until he feels his fingers around Dave’s wrist, coaxing one hand lower, both resting just above his hip.

 

“I like your voice, Hal”, Dave whispers, and steals another kiss. “Don’t… don’t repress yourself, if you can. It’s only me here.”

 

There’s a thrill for David that goes beyond merely the sexual, in allowing himself to touch - with Hal’s permission. It affects him, to finally be able to slide caressing hands down Hal’s body - he has hungered for it, he has craved it, he is getting hard again, for Hal. But it’s the trust Hal is putting in him that messes Dave up the most. Getting to see him like _this_.

  
  


“Eyes on me… Don’t look away. Please,” he says, asks really, and Hal is urging him to keep going… his fingers slide down, down, down - one of his hands still stroking and pinching insistent at Hal’s nipples, and the other going to cup the hard, feverishly warm bulge between his legs at his request. And Dave, he lets out a small, needy sound of his own, _Hal, I want you, have wanted you so–_ But his eyes are still on Hal’s, attentive to any signal.

 

He bites at his own lip, “God, I love you. Can you see?” Reverent, Dave wraps his hand around Hal’s erection, just holding, squeezing, marveling at the touch and not pumping yet - requesting permission and waiting for it, in whatever manner it may come - or not.

 

Hal nods, deep breaths escaping through bared teeth as he focuses on Dave’s hands running over his body. His chest heaves, rising sharply at every gesture and he can’t stop the short cry that escapes when Dave’s hand snakes between his thighs.

 

Dave is breathless. “You’re so damn beautiful, Hal.”

 

And when Hal feels the firm but gentle grip around him, he breaks his promise for just a moment- throwing his head back, eyes closed as a faint growl rumbles in the back of his throat. He manages to look back only to see Dave’s expectant face.

 

“Couldn’t you a-at least say…h-handsome?” Hal gasps.

 

And… then he’s laughing. Because it’s absurd. Dave leaning over him, practically worshiping his body with his hands and eyes. It’s so ludicrous, that Dave, Dave is coaxing him, whispering tender words. He can’t stop smiling because it’s so damn funny.

And so…so… perfect.

 

And he starts to feel the ice melt away.

 

His hips lift eagerly from the bed, pressing himself more deeply into Dave’s hand, inching ever so slightly through his fingers.

 

“Handsome it is, then”, Dave agrees, and he may be laughing a little in return - so relieved, because Hal is finally arching under his hands, and even if his moaning had been short-lived… it had felt like such a victory to feel him relax enough for it

  
  


“Dave…” he sighs, smile still on his face, “I want to f-feel you.” He reaches up to pull him down and initiate a kiss of his own. “Everywhere.”

 

He kisses back, all heat and hunger, suppressing a growl of his own at the sudden gesture. “Everywhere?”, Dave mutters, biting at Hal’s lower lip, coaxing– “Why don’t you tell me more about it?”

 

Dave may be leaning closer now, too. Until he is on his side, at the perfect height to keep on kissing him, and to actually start jerking Hal off - the tight grip of his hand finally moving to pump at his cock.

 

Hal had said everywhere, though, and he needed a starting point.

 

So Dave, he throws one of his legs over Hal’s to embrace him with it. He still has his jeans on, but he doesn’t mind for a second to be clothed like this- he just wants him close, as his rhythm picks up, a thumb playing with the tip of Hal’s erection every time, wanting to spread the wetness there and make him squirm. Maybe moan again, because now he had heard him…

 

“Whatever you want”, he says, voice low and husky, and oh– he means it. “I promise. Just…tell me. Please. Or… show me.”

 

“Ah- Dave!” Hal speaks in breathy tones as he feels his hand moving around him. It’s slow and gentle, to be sure- but that only makes Hal want it _more_.

 

He feels a familiar heat at his side and has the urge to curl into it, just wants to press himself flush up against Dave’s body, and make contact at every point. But then he feels Dave come closer, rough denim rubbing against his leg and he shudders at the sudden pressure, made only more pronounced by the ever so slight quickening of Dave’s pace.

 

He kisses him again, deeply, his tongue an insinuation of what his hand is doing to him. Dragging tongue and teeth, he whispers: “You’re doing it well, Hal… Just go on…”

 

“I… I want…”

 

And then Dave’s tongue slides against his own gently keeping pace with the movement of his fingers and Hal moans softly against his lips. His hands claw at the sheets beneath him, grabbing at the soft fabric before he realizes what a waste it all is and throws an arm about Dave’s back, pulling him closer still.

 

“I want… _more._ ”

 

Dave lets himself be pulled in, quieting a growl at that hushed more. He kisses Hal hard and exploring, quickening the pace of his hand and the tightening of his hold around the shaft. And he doesn’t close his eyes because, God, he likes touching Hal and watching him slowly grow more confident in pleasure as he holds David as an anchor to let go safely.

  
  


Which– gives him an idea, actually. He breaks the kiss (and it doesn’t surprise Dave to notice he is panting), just cupping Hal for a second. “Wait…”

 

Of all the four-letter words in the world, Hal doesn’t think he’s ever heard one quite so vicious as the word “wait”, especially when it’s said in desperate, breathy tones.

 

Dave shifts his position, crossing over Hal. Not to pin him against the bed (maybe next time? Please let them have a next time…), but to go and lay on his other side. “Hal…”

 

He kisses him again, brief and just a little bit filthy, before grabbing Hal from the hips and getting on his back. Pulling Hal on top as if he weighed nothing, arching a little bit to help him settle . “Come here.”

 

They both get to look. Hal got to be in control. Dave got to be under him. _Should’ve done it earlier._ David licks his lips and gives Hal a heated gaze, feeling Hal’s erection against his abs. He’s unable to hide how much he needs him, and he’s crossing his fingers it works.

 

“You can have as much as you want.”

 

Hal winces, slightly, as Dave pulls away, wondering why they were stopping, why Dave wasn’t just continuing because everything was just so good and he was just starting to-

 

-but Hal doesn’t get any further in that line of thinking because of the way Dave is kissing him, hot and needy, spurring him onward to even greater desperation. He’s already lightheaded, but feels absolutely dizzy when he’s pulled on top of Dave’s lap, heart pounding as he looks down, absolutely leaping out of his chest at the feeling of Dave bucking beneath him.

 

A short cry comes from his lips as he rocks forward, rolling his hips against the man. He manages a second, a third thrust, keeping his eyes on Dave the entire time. The pressure is agonizing, but it’s not enough. He leans forward slightly, splaying his fingers out onto the broad expanse of chest beneath him, buries his face in the curve of Dave’s neck and begins tasting it, nipping at it in a slow steady rhythm that matches the thrust of his hips.

 

“ _Dave_ …” he manages between shallow breaths. “You… ah… feel… _good…”_

 

Dave can’t help it, he grabs at Hal’s ass, kneading, rumbling out a low sound of arousal because–Hal. His hands go up and down his thighs, and again at his backside, pushing him so he’s tightly pressed against him, lending his strength to the friction. “You too– nnh, Hal…”

 

And then Hal starts nipping at his neck, and it’s Dave this time baring his throat for him, asking for more with a gesture. He whispers, confesses, “Can’t get enough… I like to hear you, please let me–”

 

Dave’s hands take him by surprise, strong fingers digging into him and he gasps as Dave pushes up to meet him.

 

The hands at his thighs, his back- Hal had never really stopped to consider how many different kinds of touch there were, and how they could summon such excitement from him. He’d felt Dave’s hand on his back dozens of times before, a gentle pat of reassurance and calm… and yet that same hand now, pulling him closer, and his whole body is aching for that touch.

 

Dave cants his hips upwards, arching in time with Hal’s thrusts, each one leaving a wet trail against his bare skin now. He wants, and wants _more,_ and Hal is losing himself– the same as he is, because damned if he isn’t completely hard now and halfway to completion. He hadn’t planned to feel the curve of Hal’s ass grinding against his own trapped erection.

 

He pulls him down for another kiss that doesn’t get very far - just as a way to quiet his own moans biting at Hal’s lips, dragging his mouth down then until it’s nested at the point where Hal’s neck meet his shoulders to suck and mark him, possessive. His hands still wander from Hal’s back to his thighs, lingering, grasping…

 

“ _Fuck,_ Hal… Faster…”

 

Hal’s breathing is ragged as his teeth rake against Dave’s neck with renewed fervor. He tries to call Dave’s name again, but words are beyond him, and he can only whine, needy into his ear.

 

He can feel Dave pressing up against his ass, even through the thick fabric of his jeans and for a fraction of a second, wonders whether they should pause once more, but then Dave calls his name with a gasp and he finds he can do nothing beyond quickening his pace.

 

“D-Dave…?”He called out, almost a question, uncertainty being overcome by a part of him that was just so… ready.

 

God but he loves Hal’s voice, loves the way Hal is positively keening, moaning high and breathy, calling his name… He wants him to let go, and he is _getting_ it, judging by the way Hal is quickening the rhythm on his own, fucking against David’s abdomen almost desperately.

 

Dave frees one hand to hastily open his jeans. To take himself in it, slide his hard shaft between Hal’s buttocks, looking at him with whatever level of doubt he can muster now, an ‘ _is this ok?_ ’ kind of thing that doesn’t quite– last. Control faltering, he just grabs at Hal’s erection and pumps in time, tight, using Hal’s own wetness to jerk him off as he thrusts upwards, against him and not quite–

 

_“Hah– Hal…_! You can come if you need to come…”, he manages, words faltering, husky, because he’s on the verge of coming too but _Hal first,_ and David groans his name again to urge him on, almost begging.

 

Hal’s hands creep up from Dave’s chest and move to grip tightly at his shoulders. It grants him greater purchase and he wastes no time thrusting that much harder against the heat of Dave’s stomach. His fingers tense, nails digging into Dave’s back as he feels him shuffling, then sliding up behind him

.

He feels a brief flutter in his stomach at the sensation, but then there’s no time at all to think about it because Dave’s hand is around him, pulling at him in long, smooth strokes. He nips at Dave’s ear, his neck, tries in vain to trap his lips for more than a moment, as he his entire body rocks back and forth, searching for contact and release.

 

And then he hears his name once again, somewhere between a growl and a moan and his eyes snap open _(when had they closed?_ ) as he takes one last look at Dave, yells his name, before he feels his whole body taken over, a shudder starting low in his gut and spreading outward until his body is shaking against Dave and he feels himself twitching, spilling out between their bodies.  

 

Dave moans back at him and holds him through this orgasm, feeling every shudder as if it were his own, feeling the way Hal stains them both with white. And he doesn’t stop, he milks Hal dry until there’s nothing left for him to release, doesn’t miss a beat before getting lost in Hal’s mouth in a kiss that’s pure heat and possession.

 

_He did this, Hal came for him,_ and it’s that idea and all the meaning behind it that spurs him on now, as he reaches down to jerk himself off in the aftershocks of Hal’s orgasm, with his weight and his come and his bitemarks all over him. Panting, groaning, he pulls Hal closer with his free hand and pays no attention to the mess now between them - it’s too much, the pleasure getting unbearable, tightening inside of him, and as he thrusts,fucking his own hand with Hal surrounding him, faster and harder, he still doesn’t let him go until finishes splattering between Hal’s thighs, arching and shivering, his growl _loud_ and broken.

 

_This is what Hal does to him,_ because it hasn’t even been an hour and it’s  as though he didn’t have to wait at all before coming a second time.

 

No way he’s regaining his breath anytime soon. Yet– “… Love you”, he exhales, barely audible but there.

 

Sated beyond words, he pulls Hal in for another kiss. Extremely soft this time, inquisitive. “Hal…”, he brushes his lover’s fringe out of his eyes, worried all of a sudden. “Tell me how you are.”

 

Hal’s cry fades to a mere whimper before Dave releases his gentle grip and it’s just as well because he finds his mouth claimed in a kiss he can only describe and strong and sweet and it only serves to help him ride the last moments of the fading waves.

 

The arm pulling him closer is a surprise, but his face grows warm with a heat that reaches all the way to his chest as he hears Dave making inarticulate sounds, driven into a frenzy by…him. He smiles against Dave’s lips, a seed of pride threatening to blossom just as he hears the man make a savage noise and feels the evidence of his lust cover him.

 

And he feels, without a doubt the love Dave feels for him, ( _or did he say it just now?_ )and the tiny seed begins to spout.

 

He’s absolutely still as Dave reaches up, pushes the hair from his eyes, looks at him, nervous and caring, and then he feels his shoulders shake as tears start to form in his eyes. He shakes his head suddenly, embarrassed, trying to find his voice, because for once he’s not frightened or ashamed and he has to let Dave know before he assumes the worst.

 

“I…” he hiccups slightly “…I never thought I’d have…” a smile slowly works its way across his face as he swipes at his cheek, “…this.” He leans forward, buries his face against Dave’s neck, smile growing as he is unable to keep the tears away. “Dave, I… I love you. And I just… I want to… being with you…” He doesn’t know the words to express what he’s thinking, so he tries instead to say what he’s feeling. “Th-thank you.”

 

“Hal…”, Dave nuzzles at his hair, holds him close. Somewhat distantly, he is aware there’s sweat and semen cooling off between them, and he doesn’t give a single fuck about it. The sheer intimacy in this moment is not something he’d ever want to break. His hands dance a soothing pattern along Hal’s spine, keeping him warm. “Don’t– _thank_ me.”

 

“Never thought I’d have something like this, either”, he finally admits, keeping his voice low because… even after tonight, this is still hard to talk about freely. Probably is going to keep on being hard for a long time. “Or– that I would ever want it.”

 

_You’re not supposed to have personal feelings on the battlefield_ , isn’t it?

 

“I had been trying hard to… _love life_ , I guess. Since I left my–”, he sighs, interrupting himself for a second before continuing. Because, this is probably the best moment he’d get to come clean about it. “And it hasn’t been easy. I thought it was just survival for the longest time.”

 

“Loving life– You gave me that, Hal.”

 

Hal sighs and there’s nothing but contentment as he relaxes in Dave’s arms, relishing the warmth of the hands gently brushing against him. His shoulders shake once more with a small laugh at the combination of exasperation and affection in Dave’s voice as he all but scolds him. It’s a tone he’s heard before but never fully understood. He can hear it echoing back through his memories and wonders if he’d be able to pinpoint the exact moment Dave started loving him.

 

It might be a curiosity for his scientific mind, but it’s not important really, not compared to what’s happening here and now. Because while Dave has always been good at deciding, and acting- he’s never been adept at saying, and Hal is determined not to forget a single word.

 

To _love life_? Hal ponders. But then, it’s something Dave has given him in return.

 

“Maybe… it’s something we can both do, together,” he says, Dave’s own cheek pressed against his own, “…a New Year’s resolution.”

 

‘Scolding’ is a strong word for Dave’s tone. It’s just… Hal is so _vulnerable_ , that much it’s true. But also stronger than he thought of himself - an understated, quiet sort of steel that was different from anybody else Dave had met. Whenever he lets on how little he still thinks of himself… Dave’s first instinct is still to protect him, and try and make him stop.

 

He _is_ laughing now though. Which is an excellent sign.

 

“Do you do resolutions, then?”, Dave cups Hal’s cheek, holding him where he is - against his own. With all that had been happening, he’s lost track of time enough so as to fail to notice when midnight had come (and gone) - no small feat for a mind trained since early childhood to time and spatial awareness.

 

The marvelous thing being, it’s good, that Hal has the power to quiet down even that. It should have been terrifying, and instead, he’s glad. The thinks out loud, “Didn’t do those either but… we could start. Yeah.”

 

Quietly, Dave asks with a gesture for Hal to look at him. Because he knows there’s such peace in his own expression, right now.

 

“Yeah… I’d like that. Happy New Year, Hal.“

 

“Happy New Year, Dave.” Hal smiles back, tears forgotten, nothing beyond genuine joy on his face.

 

He could stay there another hour, the whole night even, if Dave let him, but the idea of slipping back into their routine, enjoying all the parts of their lives together just the same, but with one oh so important difference is too enticing. He’s found comfort in sleeping by Dave’s side for months now, but how would it feel to have that arm around him again and…just.. _know?_

 

Hal pulls himself away, rolls to the side with resigned sigh.

“I think… I’m due for another shower,” he mumbled as his body relaxed on the bed and he felt his mind threatening to slip from consciousness. “And then… sleep?”

 

He could get used to the way Hal looks right now, Dave thinks, so very easily. Hair mussed up, glowing with happiness and relaxation, covered in sweat…

 

(Marked by Dave, too, and it’s exhilarating to think so.)

 

He had been sincere when he had said beautiful. Not a word that came easily to him, even if Hal himself had requested for him to not use it. And now he got to go to sleep with him - not a euphemism, but the peace of their nights, holding Hal and knowing they’d wake up together with no secrets between them.

 

It felt like freedom.

 

“Sleep is a good idea. It was a long day”, he agrees, and he may be teasing a little, when he smiles, and adds, “Shower, huh… Guess I’m not invited in there?”

 

Chuckling, he pokes at Hal’s side and sits up. “Go. I’ll clean up here.”

 

Hal had thought surely after everything there was no way for Dave to make him blush any longer, but his is proven wrong immediately.

 

“I… oh… hadn’t thought… I mean…” He pulls himself up on his elbows to look at Dave, wondering if he’s serious. It would be more efficient, save on water, time, the two of them would be back to bed just that much faster and…

Before he is overcome with his own thoughts, Dave is jabbing at him likely, giving him that same smile Hal has come to crave over the last several months. He stands, somewhat unsteadily at first and heads for the door.

 

“I mean… I… I wouldn’t mind.” He says softly before stepping quickly out of the room.

 

… Well that had been so unexpected, Dave is left staring at him open-mouthed, and not only because he hasn’t bothered to put anything on before marching out of their room like that.

 

Clothes are strewn everywhere, he needs to get what he still was wearing in the laundry basket, their duvet kinda… needed to be changed–

 

Dave gets out of his jeans and boxers, and follows Hal to the bathroom. Cleaning can wait.

 

“Hope it’s not that kind of invitation”, he says, opening the door and stepping inside. He closes the door behind him, as calm and in good spirits as he can be. “As much as I’d like that, you were looking tired back there.”

 

“Scoot aside”, and he gets under the stream, too, with all the naturalness in the world.

 

Hal practically squeaks when the door opens and he feels a cold rush of air shocking him from the dreamlike state he has been in. He feels utterly ridiculous standing there, suds already dripping down his front, but there’s just something about the way Dave slips inside and it’s no big deal that gets him  to relax.

 

“Whatever you say,” he replies, absolutely red only because of the hot water pouring down on their heads.

 

They are pressed close together, a necessity, Hal tells himself, in order to share the water. He’s not sure how this works, logistically but… well.. he’d never admit it out loud, but he’s seen…

 

“Do you want me to wash your back?”

 

“Sure”, he says because stay natural, and never mind how utterly good Hal looks right now. He needs to make good of his promise, and they have been sharing all manners of small spaces. Of course they can do this.

  
  


It’s not his first time sharing a shower with someone, either. But it’s Hal, once again, that makes the difference. And he looks just so flushed when he makes his proposal-- Dave debates teasing him again.

  
  


In the end, he just turns around, presenting his back to Hal. Infuriatingly calm, even. He presses his palms against the tile so his hands stay visible, mostly because he wants to know what Hal is going to do.

 

“Go ahead.”

 

Hal is frozen for a moment, simply stares at the expanse of Dave’s back, a trail of bubbles dribbling from the sponge in his hands down his stomach.

  
  


“O-Okay,” he says, quietly wondering if he’d ever get completely used to this casual intimacy that seems to radiate off of Dave without effort. He closes the narrow space between them, and begins scrubbing gently at Dave’s back, working his thumb in slow circles in a way he thinks he’d find relaxing if they were ever to switch places.

 

He feels maybe just the tiniest bit silly about it all as he watches the water cascading down Dave’s back, taking the last of the foam with it. He leans forward, just close enough to take in Dave’s scent, now mixed with the pleasing aroma of the soap. Hal presses a soft kiss just in between his shoulder blades before reaching to cross his hands around Dave’s chest.

 

Dave hums at the contact, pleased. Relaxing. It has been a long day for him too, and Hal’s careful touches feel amazingly soothing over his now clean skin.

 

He hadn’t been expecting the kiss, or for Hal to hold him. Hadn’t been expecting to practically melt because of it, either.

 

He lets himself enjoy it and just be held, his breathing getting slow and deep. “You should let me return the favor”, he says, “before we run out of hot water.”

 

But he doesn’t really want to move now - that much is true. He half forces himself to turn around slowly, pulling Hal in for a lazy kiss and taking the sponge out of his hand.

 

“Come on”, he mutters, feeling like this added layer of peace on the familiarity and trust between them, is something he wants to get used to.

 

“Let me look after you.”

Hal can only hum softly with contentment as Dave kisses him, nods softly, the day finally catching up to him. Between the warmth of the water, the arms around him, and the night’s activities, Hal feels as though he might just fall asleep standing right here.

 

Right now it’s easy to forget everything else. The two of them aren’t on the run. Their plans for the future don’t include an emergency protocol for leaving town. It’s just the two of them, here and now, together. And he can pretend that Dave looking after him involves nothing beyond this shower and their bed.

 

“Mmm…” he murmurs, words slow to come to him. “You… promise?”

 

“I do”, Dave answers, sincere. And doesn’t say a thing after that. He just lets his actions speak louder, in the way he slides the soap over Hal’s skin, keeping his touch with the sponge light. Washing away what is left of their mingled sweat and their come, caressing more than scrubbing at anything.

Still, the shower shouldn’t be lasting this long. He’ll deal with his own hair in the morning, but… they need to get out, before it all turns icy cold. Closing the tap, he steals another kiss and goes out of the shower, handing Hal a towel first.

 

    _All of these things… you want to do them. You really want to do them,_

_What, you had any doubts?_

 

He rubs his own hair dry, loops the towel around his waist, and takes Hal’s hand to lead him to their bedroom. Maybe he hadn’t been made to be able to hold onto anything without breaking it but– he has been learning, a little at least.

 

And Hal is a patient teacher anyway.

 

Hal manages to shake himself from his haze long enough to help replace the bedding as Dave finds a place for the laundry. Thankfully the tasks are taken care of quickly and before too long he’s exactly where he wants to be: in bed, beneath a pile of blankets, and most importantly, in Dave’s arms.

 

Again he marvels at how different it isn’t. Perhaps Dave holds him more tightly, perhaps Hal leans back into the embrace a little more. But the feeling is just the same. Love. Safety. _Home._

 

“You take care of me…” he says softly, already dozing off, “…and I’ll take care of you.”

 

Dave wants to say _‘you already do’._

 

The ways in which he had started to change had been hard work. Still were, at times, it hadn’t been that long and they would forever be a work in progress. But… they had been for the better, David likes them enough to keep at it. He is a better man because Hal has been at walking the way at his side.

 

It’s so late in the night… Sleep is soaking into his thoughts, and Dave allows it.

 

Eyes closed, he kisses the nape of Hal’s neck, breathing in the clean scent of his skin, the shared smell of their soap. Drowsy and holding Hal like this, with an arm around his waist, he has no difficulty in believing how they’re going to be able and make this last.

 

Morning finds them still entangled.

  
  



	4. Epilogue (Comic!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. ^^

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Omake!  



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